Life: a risky business

PHOTO BY CHANDRA

Have you ever thought about how risky life is and what a miracle it is so many of us manage to make it into adulthood? I’m not paranoid, but dangers do lurk at every turn.

I’M NOT PARANOID

What with nature’s furies — hurricanes, volcanic eruptions, fires, floods, lightening and storms; the billions of microscopic bacilli and viruses around, on and in us; man made hazards like guns, explosives and weapons of war, it’s amazing I’m still here!

I can’t help but think of accidents with cars, trains and planes. I step onto my balcony and imagine it falling down to the cement patio three floors down — with me on it. gosh! Well, it could happen.

Normal people just live their lives, but I think of these things. Your chances of dying in an earthquake are one in 11 million. Not much. But what’s if I’m the designated driver?

EVIL PEOPLE?

They say one in 20 million die after being bitten by a dog. I constantly meet dogs on my daily walks. Does a snarl mean I should say goodbye right now? Then there are also evil people who may attack me even if a dog doesn’t. Oh, my….

WHY DO NEIGHBOURS TAKE THE STAIRS?

Apparently the risk of being injured in an elevator is one in six million. My building has one. I use it every day. Some neighbours always take the stairs. Do they know something I don’t? And, why aren’t they telling me?

A CELESTIAL BODY??

I’m not a scared person, but what I’m really terrified of is being hit directly by a celestial body. I have a one in a 150 trillion chance of this happening, but what’s if I’m the person standing right where the darn thing comes down if it does, when it does? Yikes!

There are a lot of other reasons why life is a risky business, but I won’t go there. You’d have to be a little nutty to worry about everything.

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Look Ma, I’m an actor…

A COMMUNITY THEATRE PROJECT

When I was in second grade, my mom paid for me to participate in a Saturday class. We put on a play. I enjoyed it thoroughly and was looked up to by the other kids because I’d done well. When I grew up, I put those things aside.

THAT’S ME KNEELING SECOND FROM LEFT

The Goddesses of the Universe gave me the gift of a long life and way after those early days, with no one dependent on me, I became braver and able to take risks.

When I moved to this city, I noticed an ad in a local newspaper about auditions for a play. No one knew me. What did I have to lose. I got a role in ‘The Bride of Brackenloch!’ and had a ball.

In 2003 there was a role as a grandmother in ‘Love Ruins Everything’ at the Arts Club Revue, after which I auditioned for a role in ‘Tony and Tina’s Wedding’, the popular dinner/theatre show for which I actually got paid! A full year after having to leave to quit due to severe attacks of vertigo, I had a call from another cast member, Georgina. She’d auditioned for a role in a film, knew she wouldn’t get it, but thought I would. Nice…

STEVE ROSENBERG, UPPER LEFT

LOOKING OLDER FOR ‘VANNICA’

I auditioned and obtained the co-starring role in ‘Vannica’. I didn’t look old enough and the makeup artist worked for a full hour each time I performed to make me look older. That was fascinating.
Steve Rosenberg, who wrote and directed the film, was impressed enough with my work to arrange for a REAL agent to represent me which led to roles on TV, commercials, and films. Only when my old knees objected to all the stairs one has to climb for auditions at the studios did I reluctantly quit.
What great memories!

LOOK MA, I’M AN ACTOR…

Life — a risky business

photo by Timothy Stark

Here it is the end of 2015 and I’m still here — and so are you. Have you ever thought about how risky life is and what a miracle it is so many of us reach seniority? Dangers lurk at every turn. It’s a wonder any of us survive childhood, let alone make it to old age.

What with nature’s furies — hurricanes, tornadoes,

billions of bacilli and viruses

volcanoes, floods and storms; the billions of bacilli and viruses that thrive around, on and in us; man-made hazards such as explosives, weapons of war, and so many, many guns, it’s amazing we survive at all.

I can’t drive a block without imagining all the mishaps which can occur. I see myself hitting one of those silly pedestrians dressed all in black, concentrating on a cellphone while crossing the street right in front of my car on a dark, rainy night. What’s if you’re the designated driver when it is ordained that things will go very wrong? Then, there are also those accidents with buses, trains and planes to think about.

Dangers lurk at every turn

Every time I step onto my balcony I imagine it collapsing under me and tumbling down three floors to the cement patio below. I think about these things. I think about these things while normal people go about just living their lives. They don’t have to worry. I’m busy worrying for them.

Did you know your chances of dying in an earthquake are one in 148,756? But how do you know that ONE won’t be you? And if you ARE that one, how reassuring are these calculations? The average number of dog homicides is about 31 per year (in the U.S.) I no longer have a dog, but I know people who do. Recently a local puppy bit my finger. Does this increase my risk in the future?

Does this increase my risk?

Statistically speaking, they say occupations with high risks of injury are truckers and coal miners. Those with the least are supposedly stockbrokers, lawyers and insurance executives. I don’t know about stockbrokers, but lawyers could sue the hell out of anyone responsible for their injuries, and one would hope insurance executives, at the very least, have good coverage.

They don’t even mention retired folk like me, which leads me to think we’re in real trouble. Why else would they leave us out? It’s a plot to make us feel at ease while at every turn they’re after us — and with good reason.

The fatality rate for elevator rides (which total about 18 billion trips each year), is 0.00000015%. My building has one. I use it every day. The younger individuals living on my floor avoid it and usually take the stairs. Do they know something I don’t???

As you can see, I’m not neurotic.

Currently, I’ve begun thinking about the chances of my being hit by a celestial body. I have a one in 150 trillion chance of this happening. I will not allow myself to become a nervous wreck thinking about it. No, I won’t. I won’t! As you can see. I’m not neurotic.

Happy New Year everyone.