My friend Sandy once said and I quote: ‘Worry is interest paid on a debt you may not owe.’ I’ve repeated it so often to others and myself that I know it by heart. I worried about using it without acknowledging the clever soul who first came up with it, so I searched my ‘Oxford Dictionary of Quotations’ to find out — without success. I still worried about being sued, so I Googled it. They say Mark Twain said something like it. Mark Twain said lots of stuff worth quoting, so maybe that’s true. He’s dead. He probably won’t sue me. Whew!
Worry is on my mind right now because I’m worried about how hot and dry it has been. I live in a rain forest where it hasn’t rained for far too long. Outside the city, our forests are so dry, fires rage unabated. Our air is so unhealthy, they’ve warned the elderly and those with breathing disorders to avoid going out. I’m worried. Am I considered elderly? I’m also worried that this is the future.
Besides, where I live the weather used to be considered temperate and many local eating spots are not air-conditioned. It wasn’t necessary. Does this new climate mean I will be limited to only restaurants that are artificially cooled? I don’t do heat well. I’m worried I’ll get bored with the few cafes I KNOW are air-conditioned. I’m also worried about getting cranky and mean because of the heat, which I so don’t like. I’d hate that to happen, but it may — and friends kind enough to put up with me now will all walk away. What splendid worry opportunities, it all terrifies me!
Worrying is something I’ve always been terrific at. If they had Worry Academy Awards, I’d win for sure, hands down. It’s something I’ve always excelled in. I could list hundreds of worries here
which I’ve lost sleep over through the years, but I’m worried you’d fall asleep before you finished reading all of them.
Maybe this ‘skill’ should be put to use. Perhaps my worrying can help others. Who knows, a new career path may open for me in which I can utilize my excellent worrying abilities. Should I worry about the taxes I’d have to pay on all the business I’d get since I’m such a heroic, wonderful worrier? No matter, since like all big businesses, you, dear reader, are important to me, I’ll take the plunge and worry about it later.
Do take advantage of my remarkable ability to anguish. Give me your worries and worry no more. I’ll do your worrying for you — for a fee of course. Whatever the subject, I can worry about it better than you.
Take your pick: Politics? Family? Stock Market? Jobs? Money? Taxes? Love life? Health? The Greek financial crisis? Aliens? Your car? Kids? Global warming? Environment? Dementia?
Whatever your worry, I’m worrying about it already anyway and have years of experience doing so, so you needn’t bother. I’ll do it for you. Maybe with all the money I’ll earn, I can stop worrying about my children’s lack of any possible inheritance.
The best part is that when I worry for you, you yourself can concentrate on finding clever solutions to all your worries. It’s a win-win situation. Satisfaction guaranteed!