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Computer spell checks?

PHOTO BY CHANDRA

Christmas is in the air and before you know it the New Year will be here. I wish everyone a happy holiday season and a year free of unpleasantness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!


I haven’t made New Year resolutions for years — I rarely managed to keep them anyway. This year nonetheless, as a kindness to my children, I intend to continue culling the papers I’ve accumulated through many years of writing.


Here’s a poem a friend sent me in 1991, which I’d included in an article about our complicated English language. Spell checkers have improved since then, but beware. They can still goof.

COMPUTER SPELL CHECKS???

Eye have a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

CAN THEY BE TRUSTED?.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
Eye am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Author unknown

Revenge of the coyotes…

Island of plastic in the Pacific

It was hot! A long drought in our rain forest led to roaring forest fires, devastation and the destruction of whole towns and some deaths.

Extreme weather, floods, mudslides, tornadoes and hurricanes took more lives. People became homeless all over the world.

Islands of plastic formed in our oceans. Millions of creatures in local waters perished in the extreme heat. The coyotes could smell it, it was unbearable.


‘We’ve got to do something,’ declared Tara, their old leader, ’Call everyone. We must have a meeting. Those stupid humans have gone too far. They need to be taught a lesson. ’

Tara, elderly leader of the coyotes


Word travels fast throughout the park. All the coyotes gathered to hear what Tara had to say. Even the skunks and raccoons, hearing about the meeting, gathered on the fringes of the large group.

The skunks heard, they came
Word travels fast in the park


‘People are unbelievably stupid,’ Tara said, ‘If we don’t do something, we’ll all perish. Attack them, their children, and their beloved dogs — starting now. We must have our revenge…’


‘But their children tried to teach them,’ spoke up Cotu, ‘Why attack them? They’re innocent.’ Cotu was young, but coyote young are listened to.


‘Humans don’t listen to their children, those kids have no power,’ replied Tara, sadly shaking her head.

Raccoons Came too


Her word was law. And so it happened. After years of peace, the war was on — between coyotes and humans.
And so, it came to pass this summer, for the first time, dozens of humans in this beautiful city’s famous Stanley Park, were attacked and bitten by coyotes. What was going on? Why was this suddenly happening?
The humans didn’t get it.


‘Coyotes don’t belong in a city park,’ they argued, although coyotes had always been there. But this was new, coyotes had never been a danger before. The officials needed to act. They’ve now decided to ‘cull’ the coyotes. The plan is to catch and kill 35 coyotes. And, how will that help??? If they must ‘cull’ the coyotes, why not trap them and move them to an uninhabited area? Why kill them?

Coyotes had always been there


Humans don’t understand the coyotes are trying to make them aware that they’ve gone too far and they are destroying our planet. Will they ever learn?


Run, coyotes, run! Avoid their traps. They know not what they do…

It is really hot!!!

I don’t do heat graciously.

It IS hot!!! I don’t do heat graciously. We’re breaking records daily. How anyone can doubt the warming of our planet is beyond me. Meanwhile our current weather is more than I can deal with.

I had good intentions and was planning to write about something else, but I can’t concentrate. I think my brain is fried — so instead, I’ll tell you what happened on my walk this morning.

I think my brain is fried.


It was early and already too hot. My clothes were sticking to my body. I was miserable. I meandered into a local AIR CONDITIONED drugstore to cool off. As I slowly walked up and down each blessedly cool aisle, I spotted the blood pressure machine.


I’d been fine and my doctor hasn’t seen me since before the pandemic started. My blood pressure hasn’t been tested. Brilliant! I’ll sit down and check it and be COOL while I’m at it. Ahhhhh…


I did just that. Sat down and placed my left arm into the cuff. Turned the machine on and waited patiently as it told me the test was in progress.

When it was over, the results printed for the world to see were: 0 0 0. Does that mean I’m dead????

Does that mean I’m dead???


Goodbye November…

My goodness it’s the end of November. I must say I’m glad to kiss this month goodbye. Our building is being upgraded — absolute madness during the pandemic! What were they thinking???


They’re replacing our balconies, glass windows and doors, repairing and painting, etc. etc. Workers hammer and bang and saw all day long five days a week. Yuk!

it’s making me crazy

They also busy themselves making appointments to do the abatement in my suite and cancel at the last minute after I’ve covered every single piece of furniture (it happened three times already) and it’s all making me crazy.

On top of it all, we (and our whole area) lost power for a day, our hot water didn’t flow for five full days (although the plumbers came each day to try again) and our elevator refused to work for almost a week! (They had to send for a part.) What’s going on??? Could it be a plot???

Nonetheless I did write a post yesterday. When I read it this morning, I hated it, so I’ll borrow again from daughter Susan. Here’s another of her ‘Muriel Says’. She is truly funny…..

Poor Susan looks really scared

Me in prison? Really?

on one of my daily walks.


On one of my daily walking/shopping excursions, I stopped to buy some lip balm. I put my mask on, entered the drugstore and saw a selection on a rack at the corner of an aisle. An employee was stacking shelves nearby.

Turning the corner, my walker hit the display and I heard a tube fall. I looked on the floor in front, behind, around me, and twirled again and saw — nothing. Then, behind all of the tubes, there it was. Well I thought so.

I had walked out with that darn thing

The employee saw it and said not to worry — she’d pick it up later. I thanked her, selected one to buy, picked up some vitamin B12 tablets, paid for them both and left the store.

It wasn’t until I got all the way home that I discovered the troublesome tube. There it was in full view in my walker’s basket. Is that where it went? I had walked out with that darn thing where anyone could see it, except me.

I was as innocent as a newborn babe

The rack wasn’t very sturdy and I guess the tube we saw on the floor was not the same one. Oh, dear. I was as innocent as a newborn babe. I had no intention of stealing anything. If I was going to do so, I’d certainly pick something of more value. What would they do to me?


Do I need a lawyer?

Every time someone rings my bell I wonder if it’s the police? Do they now have a file on me? Do I need a lawyer? Will they put me in shackles and drag me to court? In front of all my neighbours, who will be saying: ‘I knew there was something I didn’t trust about her when she first moved in 30 years ago.’


Will they put me in jail?

Will they then put me in jail? How long will I have to serve for a tube of lip balm? Will I get some awful prison guard who hates me on sight who will abuse me until my sentence ends?

Will you send me cigarettes? No, I don’t smoke but don’t they send cigarettes to everyone in jail?

Yup, he hates me!

Computer Crisis…

Muriel2017

photo by Chandra

I already had an idea for this post. I already had chosen the images to go with it. It was just about set to publish and — my NEW computer wouldn’t work. The curser was stuck on the upper left-hand corner and no matter what I did, it refused to go anywhere else.

Hail brilliant son Rafi, he who knows all,

Rafi 028

Rafi in a vineyard

and who suggested I turn the machine off and on again. I did. It didn’t. Then, because he’s so smart, he recommended I go out for my daily walk first and deal with it later. Good idea.

When I got back, I tried again. No co-operation. It was lunch and ‘beauty’ nap time. I decided I needed fuel and rest in order to face it again so put it off. Nothing. Rafi had given me instructions. I’d written them down: ‘If it won’t work, disconnect the power and then, reconnect it and if that doesn’t do it, try turning it on and at the same time press and hold down Option, Command, p and r.’lady3

anotherI checked to see if I could reach all those keys. Well, waddaya know — I could. So I tried. It didn’t seem to respond, so just before I broke down and cried, I called Apple. (Rafi cleverly had arranged that service for me when he decided what I needed. He knows his mother.)

As I listened to classical music and held the phone, lo and behold, the computer S-L-O-W-L-Y decided to follow my directions. Yeah! Wow! It’s working even though the coloured ball initially said it wouldn’t.

I hung up on Apple. I decided NOT to cry and tried to call Rafi to tell him how brilliant he is. Just because I want him, he’s not home.

Rafi 037

Rafi and his lovely Chandra, married 15 years today

Please call him and tell him how grateful I am… While you’re at it, wish him and his lovely Chandra Happy Anniversary. Today is their 15th!

 

COVID-19 Projects…

Yup. I’m not seeing anyone. I’m not going to Terra’s for breakfast Muriel2017these days. I’m not eating lunch out with friends. I’m really being good and staying home which isn’t awful, except I’m not getting any hugs either. Everyone will owe me some!

Ladyonbike

watching Jackie Chan

 

I’ve walked each day – alone, along deserted side streets. I’ve been on my Exercycle daily too. I’m doing 17 minutes per sitting and plan to get it to 20 minutes soon. Am thoroughly enjoying the Jackie Chan DVD ‘The Accidental Spy’ which I watch while pedaling. Can’t wait to get back to it after I finish this…

 

My first project was to get my tax papers in order. Oh joys! Still, I knew if I got it out of the way, I’d feel really noble. Yeah! That took two whole mornings. Whew!

taxwhite

Taxes. Whew!

Then yesterday, I decided to organize my long neglected box of

Photo on 2020-03-19 at 14.33

Plastic containers organized for now

plastic containers. They’re kept on a pull out shelf in my kitchen. They’re convenient but were, as usual, in a holy mess. I don’t often think reorganizing them is important.

 

I planned to get rid of many of them,

Photo on 2020-03-19 at 14.31

4 to go

but ended up selecting only four to give to the Senior Centre when it reopens. (They serve lunches and those who can’t make their own meals often buy extra food to take home. Sometimes they forget containers so mine may come in handy.)

Photo on 2020-03-19 at 14.29

Many don’t fit each other

 

There were plenty of lonely tops and bottoms which didn’t fit anything, like those single socks we accumulate when we do laundry. I’ve got plenty of those. Do you want any?

 

Its nice to see all those containers neatly stacked in their carton. But if you come over three days from now, I assure you they’ll be in a big mess again. The only way I can keep them looking so neat would be to NEVER, EVER use them again!

finishedtaxpapers

My junk drawer? What treasures will I find…

 

Now, next project will be my kitchen junk drawer. I wonder what treasures I’ll find there….

Happy birthday to you…

funnykadyIt won’t surprise you that I buy an old-fashioned appointment book yearly. Through the years, the cost went from $5 to $20. On page ‘X’ of the phone section, I list all birthdays of friends or family who matter. (I haven’t any friends yet whose names begin with X.)

betterbooks

 

 

I want to send each a card on their special day, but it hasn’t quite worked out that way though I’ve tried various methods of getting the job done.

yayaya

 

One year I took extra time to write each name in a week before their birthday so I’d be reminded in time. Clever, no? No! It didn’t work.

cuteanimal

 

 

The next year, I improved my methodology by buying all the cards ahead of time, filling them out, sealing the envelopes and stacking them on my desk after writing the date they SHOULD be mailed on where the stamp would go. I thought that was brilliant. Wouldn’t you?

 

cutemailWARNING: DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME: Today, no self-respecting mail carrier will deliver mail within a week anyway. They’d probably be evicted from the union or banished from their church or something even more sinister. In any case, by the end of THAT year, there was a stack of paid-for cards still waiting to be mailed. How that happened I’ll never know.

Well, here it is March and I haven’t acknowledged anyone’s birthday except Joe, whose birthday is impossible to forget, and my Chandra, whose birthday I remembered this January although I forgot it last year and she still forgave me.

 

So, here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna wish every one of them Happy Birthday right here and now. Here goes…..

Happy Birthday to youuuuu Chris, Robert, Alison, Judy, David, Vinson, Donna, Brian, Kevin, Amy, Rafi, Susan, Remy, Shirley, Diane, Naomi, Rebecca, Andrew, Trudy and Michael. All done!

 

Birthday-Cake

 

By the way, I celebrate my own birthday for six months before and six months after the actual date, so if you want to treat me to a birthday breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner, yer on anytime. And, if you’re reading this, you have my permission to celebrate your birthday for six months before and six months afterwards as well.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU!

balloons