Unrest at the North Pole…

For years I worked for newspapers and dreamed of getting a real scoop. I’d kick my desk in frustration when another colleague got one. Why couldn’t it be me??? Finally it happened! SO REMEMBER YOU READ IT HERE FIRST!!

A confidential source advised me of a crisis at the North Pole this season. I couldn’t help it, I had to go.


Things were so bad the dogsled RCMP could hardly believe it. Santa’s elves, instead of making toys, were noisily demonstrating against his huge conglomerate, St. NIck’s Toy Manufacturers Inc. As CEO, Santa holds all world’s rights to the distribution of toys for children at Christmas.

NEWLY ELECTED ELF SHOP STEWARD


‘We’ve not been paid overtime for over a century’ the newly elected Elf shop steward told me, pointing to his placard which read ‘Unfair labour practices’. ‘We want a union, and we want it NOW.’


Close by, there was another demonstration. I cautiously approached and realized these were all elves as well, but female. ‘Discrimination against women.’ their leader shouted as she noisily chewed her gum. ‘It’s impossible to live on one salary these days. We demand equal opportunities. While you’re having your holiday dinner, our elflins are walking barefoot in the snow.’ (Oh, my. I never thought of that.) ‘Down with sexism.’

WHO EVER HEARD OF REINDEER FLYING?


I was scared, but I’d do anything for a story. I sneaked off to the other side of the factory and saw more signs. ‘Santa unfair to reindeer’ ‘Animal rights violations’ What??? Santa’s reindeer? What was their problem? I recognized Prancer and singled him out for a statement.


‘Look, when I applied for this job,’ he explained, ‘Nobody said anything about flying. What a ridiculous requirement! Who ever heard of reindeer flying? If that’s what Santa wanted, he should have advertised for Storks!’

THAT WHIPPERSNAPPER HAS A SHINY NOSE.


‘Then, there’s his little favourite Rudolf. Big deal. So that whippersnapper has a shiny nose. We managed well enough without him for over a hundred years.’

SANTA HAD HIS HANDS FULL AND DID THE BEST HE COULD


Oh my, were those tears I saw in Prancer’s eyes? I had no time to lose.

Fortunately, I’d packed my arbitrator’s hat, put it on and started negotiating immediately. I think I did a pretty good job, but if Santa misses your house this year, please understand the man had his hands full and did the best he could under the circumstances.

25 thoughts on “Unrest at the North Pole…

  1. What a satire on media and current issues, Muriel! Reporters are too nosy and squeeze in anywhere, even though they aren’t wanted. Someone died, and then they will shove their cameras about.
    Santa’s a poor ol’ man, he can definitely do with some rest 😉

  2. Muriel, so glad your previous newspaper skills paid off with the scoop of the century. However, you missed an even bigger scoop-the Hanukkah hullabaloo scandal. It seems that all the Hanukkah workers will be going on strike next year due to a multitude of issues that cause them severe suffering. The workers are upset because the date for Hanukkah always changes, people can’t make up their mind how to spell Hanukkah, playing the dreidel game is boring and they lose money whenever the big boss is playing with them, they get tired of only eating latkes for weeks and why is the holiday 8 days when X-mas is only one. Stay tuned for further updates. Happy holidays to everyone and best wishes for a healthy new year.

    • So glad you’re back Brian: You always manage to make me laugh! How I love you. I can understand the Chanukah hullabaloo taking place, after all there have been so many demonstrations lately. However, there are 12 days of Christmas. Those guys always want to one-up those of us who celebrate Hanukah, Chanuka, oh darn, whatever! Hugs, Muriel

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