Kamikaze gnats up my nose…

I wasn’t included
I’m a kindly sort.

There was a top-secret executive meeting at my place and I wasn’t invited. The decision was made to select methods with which to best plague the lady of the house — me. If I’d known about this sadistic plot, I would have/could have purchased whatever deadly weaponry it would have taken to eliminate the deadly enemy right off. (Let it be known, these do exist.) But, I had no idea what was in the air and — I’m a kindly sort.


Naively, I thought I could just live with these bothersome intruders until my balcony was replaced and then move them outdoors where they belong. But they would not have it. They obviously like it here.


If you read my posts, you know I’ve been invaded by an army of gnats. They’ve emerged from the soil in the plants I moved into my dining area while the balcony is being replaced. (I had no idea it would take this long.)

I told you I have an army of gnats.
Angry gnat


Divisions of dive-bomber gnats are now attacking me. Their spies slyly wait until I’m relaxed in front of my computer or TV, and like kamikaze pilots, faster than you can say ‘gnats’, fly up into my nose. In formation, they dive and then fly up — my right nostril. Never the left nostril. Honest! Only the right. And they do this often. Weird, no?

Kamikaze dive-bomber gnat
Another knat


Why this preference? Darned if I know? Do you?


Well, I’m gonna fight back. Next time I’m out, I’m going to the hardware store and get some of that there yellow sticky paper the gnats apparently love and see if I can catch some of their top pilots when they dive-bomb onto what they (may?) think is a landing strip. Then we’ll see WHO means business around here.

And, if that doesn’t work, I’m gonna get my infamous Famiglia after them. Deze guys is real scary.

My infamous Famiglia. Dese guys is real scary…

35 thoughts on “Kamikaze gnats up my nose…

  1. Lol, they are really irritating, always moving around you instead of sitting somewhere suitable to them. We also tried apple cider vinegar to get rid of them but it didn’t worked so finally got those yellow sticky strips as you mentioned and those did wonders 😊. All the best 👍

  2. I know why they are sending their top kamikaze pilots into your right nostril: They want to get up into your head and destroy the RIGHT SIDE OF YOUR BRAIN!!! Why? Well, the right side of the brain controls certain functions, and the gnats believe that destroying that part of your brain will render you unable to come up with a way to fight them! Here is what one article says about this: “The right hemisphere of the brain controls creativity, imagination, and intuition, giving you the ability to visualize and interpret reality. It helps people to look at the bigger picture so they can better assess problems and come up with the innovative strategies to solve them.” The gnat commander is also obviously aware that you are left-handed, and that the right side of the brain controls the muscles on the left side of the body. Thus, it is clearly part of his nefarious plan to ensure that not only can you not think of a way to wage war against the gnats, but you will be unable to call for help from “la famiglia” on the phone, as you will not have control of your dialing hand! You are up against a ruthless military genius there, Maughm — I feel for you!

    • Gosh Susan: I had no idea you were such a capable detective, but yer my dotter, so I’m not surprised. Delighted to find out the reason for this right nostril thing of those pesky gnats. In addition, your medical knowledge (pronounced ken-o-l-e-g-e) of the workings of my brain, which I always thought didn’t function at all, is splendid. And, does your comment mean I may really have a brain????? Is there hope???? Love ya, Maughm

  3. Haha, sounds like good battle is taking place here. You can do it! But first you need to prevent them from reaching your brain by plugging your nostrils! This may be essential to your success in winning this battle. That and the yellow strips.

  4. Maybe you could wear your mask indoors until the little devils go back outside, where they belong! Here’s hoping the yellow sticky strips help, and that you’ll get your balcony back very soon!

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