Me in prison? Really?

on one of my daily walks.

On one of my daily walking/shopping excursions, I stopped to buy some lip balm. I put my mask on, entered the drugstore and saw a selection on a rack at the corner of an aisle. An employee was stacking shelves nearby.

Turning the corner, my walker hit the display and I heard a tube fall. I looked on the floor in front, behind, around me, and twirled again and saw — nothing. Then, behind all of the tubes, there it was. Well I thought so.

I had walked out with that darn thing

The employee saw it and said not to worry — she’d pick it up later. I thanked her, selected one to buy, picked up some vitamin B12 tablets, paid for them both and left the store.

It wasn’t until I got all the way home that I discovered the troublesome tube. There it was in full view in my walker’s basket. Is that where it went? I had walked out with that darn thing where anyone could see it, except me.

I was as innocent as a newborn babe

The rack wasn’t very sturdy and I guess the tube we saw on the floor was not the same one. Oh, dear. I was as innocent as a newborn babe. I had no intention of stealing anything. If I was going to do so, I’d certainly pick something of more value. What would they do to me?

Do I need a lawyer?

Every time someone rings my bell I wonder if it’s the police? Do they now have a file on me? Do I need a lawyer? Will they put me in shackles and drag me to court? In front of all my neighbours, who will be saying: ‘I knew there was something I didn’t trust about her when she first moved in 30 years ago.’

Will they put me in jail?

Will they then put me in jail? How long will I have to serve for a tube of lip balm? Will I get some awful prison guard who hates me on sight who will abuse me until my sentence ends?

Will you send me cigarettes? No, I don’t smoke but don’t they send cigarettes to everyone in jail?

Yup, he hates me!

20 thoughts on “Me in prison? Really?

  1. If youz guyz believe dis story, I gotta bridge up in Brooklyn I’d like ta sell ya. We don’t call dis dame “Light Fingers Lil” for nuttin! She’s lifted more loot than my cousin Mac up in Sing Sing, only she gets away with it on account of she’s got that whole “little old lady” act nailed. Lil don’t need no walker — it’s all parta her scam! You should see her dancin at the nightclub after one a her big scores. And she looks pretty damn good doin it, too! So don’t buy dis “innocent as a newborn babe” routine. Lil’s a PRO, so you broads watch yer jewels and you guys keep a hand on your wallet when she’s around!

  2. Hahaha…they say it starts small, you know…first a lip balm here, then a bag of gumdrops there…I’d be worried that now friends I’ve visited who’ve had things go missing might start to put two and two together…

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