Planning the perfect murder…


photo by Chandra

I noticed him hiding in the other bathroom. I didn’t panic. I’d done that years before when one of his pals had pulled the same stunt and I wasn’t going to do the panic thing again. No way!

Last time I was terrified. I slammed the door shut. Flew helter-skelter to my bedroom. Wrapped myself up like a burrito in blankets and pulled the top sheet over my face. (Anyone seeing me would have thought me already dead.)

This time, I tiptoed quietly back to my bed to — THINK. What to do?? Use your head lady! Let’s plan this — carefully.

He was obviously smaller than the last guy, but he had longer legs. Did being smaller make him more vulnerable?


No matter. I came up with a plan. I’d quietly creep back there, catch him unawares and pour scalding hot water all over him. That ought to do it!

cutedrawingI did! I poured and poured until he had to be dead. Quickly I grabbed a clean tissue from a nearby box and, just in case he could rise again, before you could say ‘Green Eggs and Ham’, scooped him up and flushed him down the toilet. Whoosh!

Is it true it will rain if you kill a spider? Maybe so and I’ll be responsible. I also know they serve a purpose, but they do scare me — probably because I know so little about them.

This time success made me feel invincible….

P.S. To read what happened last time, read:  ’Murder in the Bedroom’
by clicking on:


15 thoughts on “Planning the perfect murder…

  1. Spiders are common in the area I live, probably because it was agricultural land earlier. I have got used to them now scuttling out from corners.

    • I’m okay with little ones Jaya: But when they’re huge, I admit I get terrified. Besides, I don’t know anything about spiders and which are dangerous. Actually, I don’t know a lot about many things. Chuckle.

  2. If it rains when you kill a spider, what happens when you kill a scorpion — or a wind scorpion (not the same critter)? I’ve stomped a few of each around here in the past few days, and we had a lightning storm this evening. Was that because of me? For your readers who don’t know what a wind scorpion is, don’t look them up on Google if you are faint of heart. They are horrid looking things with four jaws and what look to be ten legs, though they are actually only eight legs and a very long, thick pair of disgusting “pedipalps”. And they BITE! Of course the real scorpions can bite, pinch and have a venomous stinger to boot — and they GLOW IN THE DARK in black light! I kid you not, folks. Oh, then there are the Jerusalem crickets, which many people think are hideous but I actually find them sort of strangely cute. They can apparently bite really hard too, but they usually hide underground and just want to be left alone. If you do see them above ground, it often means their brain has been invaded by a parasite that makes them seek out water and drown themselves in it, which is necessary for the life cycle of the parasite. Again, I kid you not. And of course we have the joy of the ticks and the biting flies of about a jillion species, one of which gave me cellulitis on my arm this week, for which I am now on antibiotics. And many types of spiders. And fire ants, who who bite you in a coordinated attack by releasing pheromones, and whose bites are excruciatingly painful. Maughm, does this make you feel a little better about the occasional trespassers in your cozy little condo? ; )

    • You sure seen to live on another planet! Will take your advice and not google. Do take care of that arm; my cousin had a nasty experience of cellulitis.

      • Thanks, Jaya. The high desert of Nevada is pretty much a different planet! My cellulitis seems to be getting better, thank you for your concern. I’ve kept in touch with my doctor and sent her some pictures yesterday…she thinks we’re on the right track!

    • You’re braver than I am Susan: I don’t mind spiders when they’re little, and if I knew which were dangerous and which weren’t, that might help. This may be a good time to learn more about them — or maybe it is better that I don’t. Love ya, Maughm

    • Wadda I know about all them critters you meet in your life up thare in them mountains? I have enough problems coping with one ugly huge brown intrusive spider with very long legs here in the city. Whoosh. Love ya muchly, Take care of you Susan!! Maughm

      • I actually think you have bigger spiders up there than we have here. Our spiders tend to be small, from what I’ve seen. The scorpions, on the other hand, are plenty big, though they are small for scorpions! I think if we had to ginormous and really deadly ones like they do in AZ, I would have to move!

  3. Ha ha, nice narrative. Never thought, culprit would be a spider. I had few of them in my room, my wife jumps off the ground with just their sight. But I am quiet comfortable with their presence ( even small centipedes) . I generally pick them with Mop or paper and throw them out. Personally don’t like killing 😊

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