It’s been a busy time, so haven’t had time to write earlier. However going through my bookshelves, I found a small book ‘Comic Epitaphs: from the very best old graveyards’ published by Peter Pauper Press. Daughter Susan, who knows I enjoy old graveyards, bought it for me and some of the epitaphs in it are hilarious.
When Susan and I first visited Victoria together, we wandered through their old cemetery looking for Artist Emily Carr’s grave — in the rain. Much to my regret, we never found it.
I’ve wandered through many old graveyards on trips to Europe,
Pere Lachaise
but my very favorite is the famous Pere Lachaise Cemetery in Paris. Once I spent a whole day there (except for a lunch break), following my carefully-marked map on which I’d circled all the composers, authors, and other special famous people who deserved special attention.
Oscar Wilde’s grave at Pere Lachaise
As I made my rounds along the ancient paths at Pere Lachaise, I noticed a moss-covered old crypt with my own family’s surname on it, but by that time was too tired to inquire at the office to try to learn more about them.
Here are a few epitaphs from the book Susan gave me. I hope you get as much of a kick out of them as I do.
Here lies Ann Mann
She lived an old maid
But died an old Mann
(Manchester)
Here lies Pecos Bill
He always lied
And always will
He once lied loud
He now lies still
(Grand Forks)
Sacred to the memory
Of Anthony Drake
Who died for peace
And dear quietness’ sake.
His wife was forever
Scoldin’ and scoffin’
So he sought repose
In a $12 coffin
(Marietta)
Old Jewish Cemetery I visited in Budapest
Jonathan Grober
Died dead sober
Lord thy wonders
Never cease
(Clinkerton)
Owen Moore
Gone away
Owin’ more
Than he could pay
(Battersea)
Here lies a father of 29
There would have been more
But he didn’t have time
(Moultrie)
[On an infant]
Since I have been so
Quickly done for,
I wonder what I was
Begun for
Hammondport)
Here lies my wife
A slattern and shrew
If I said I missed her
I should lie here too!
(Selby)
View from Over the Hill 
I like to visit graveyards too — but I wouldn’t want to live there! My sister-in-law lives directly across the street from a graveyard in Kamloops, BC. She and her husband think it is great: the “neighbors” are extremely quiet, and they don’t take up parking spaces on the street. However, I can’t help but picture all those dead people in various states of decay, just lying right there under the ground. My morbid imagination, I know, but BLECH!
It wouldn’t bother me Susan: They’d be quiet neighbors after all. Love ya. Mom
I definitely prefer to go to a jazz concert rather than visit a cemetery. There is some comfort in knowing that there is humor on some tombstones. Muriel, you sure are unique. How can you spend a whole day except for a lunch break in a somber atmosphere? I remember seeing a funny epitaph near my Dad’s grave. It said:
“Here lies John Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.” So, on second thought, maybe one can have fun exploring cemeteries. It is not my cup of tea. I did enjoy your blog. Very different and humorous to read, as long as I do not have to visit the cemetery. giggle.
Oh, spending a day at Pere Lachaise is a special experience. I breathed deeply at each grave of a very gifted artist, composer, writer, or great politician. I wanted to inhale some of their talent — after all, they weren’t using it anymore anyways. Chuckle.
That Yeast one is hilarious!
Hahaha! “They weren’t using it anymore…” You are so much fun, Maughm!
And I love you too Susan!
Hi there. The famous jazz pianist Bud Powell is buried in a cemetery about three miles from my house. I’ve meant to go there and look for his headstone. I’m putting that on the top of my to-do list. Bye till next time!
Let me know when you make it Neil. As always, all the best. Muriel