Who, me worry?

Mom, look I'm telling you 2My friend Sandy once said and I quote: ‘Worry is interest paid on a debt you may not owe.’ I’ve repeated it so often to others and myself that I know it by heart. I worried about using it without acknowledging the clever soul who first came up with it, so I searched my ‘Oxford Dictionary of Quotations’ to find out — without success. I still worried about being sued, so I Googled it. They say Mark Twain said something like it. Mark Twain said lots of stuff worth quoting, so maybe that’s true. He’s dead. He probably won’t sue me. Whew!

Worry is on my mind right now because I’m worried about how hot and dry it has been. I live in a rain forest where it hasn’t rained for far too long. Outside the city, our forests are so dry, fires rage unabated. Our air is so unhealthy, they’ve warned the elderly and those with breathing disorders  to avoid going out. I’m worried. Am I considered elderly? I’m also worried that this is the future.

Besides, where I live the weather used to be considered temperate and many local eating spots are not air-conditioned. It wasn’t necessary. Does this new climate mean I will be limited to only restaurants that are artificially cooled? I don’t do heat well. I’m worried I’ll get bored with the few cafes I KNOW are air-conditioned. I’m also worried about getting cranky and mean because of the heat, which I so don’t like. I’d hate that to happen, but it may — and friends kind enough to put up with me now will all walk away. What splendid worry opportunities, it all terrifies me!

I've lost countless hours of sleep through the years worrying

I’ve lost countless hours of sleep through the years worrying

Worrying is something I’ve always been terrific at. If they had Worry Academy Awards, I’d win for sure, hands down. It’s something I’ve always excelled in. I could list hundreds of worries here

If they gave Academy Awards for worrying, I'd win, hands down

If they gave Academy Awards for worrying, I’d win, hands down

which I’ve lost sleep over through the years, but I’m worried you’d fall asleep before you finished reading all of them.

Maybe this ‘skill’ should be put to use. Perhaps my worrying can help others. Who knows, a new career path may open for me in which I can utilize my excellent worrying abilities. Should I worry about the taxes I’d have to pay on all the business I’d get since I’m such a heroic, wonderful worrier? No matter, since like all big businesses, you, dear reader, are important to me, I’ll take the plunge and worry about it later.

Do take advantage of my remarkable ability to anguish. Give me your worries and worry no more. I’ll do your worrying for you — for a fee of course. Whatever the subject, I can worry about it better than you.

Worried about the Stock Market? Worry no more.

Worried about the Stock Market? Worry no more.

Take your pick: Politics? Family? Stock Market? Jobs? Money? Taxes? Love life? Health? The Greek financial crisis? Aliens? Your car? Kids? Global warming? Environment? Dementia?

Whatever your worry, I’m worrying about it already anyway and have years of experience doing so, so you needn’t bother. I’ll do it for you. Maybe with all the money I’ll earn, I can stop worrying about my children’s lack of any possible inheritance.

The best part is that when I worry for you, you yourself can concentrate on finding clever solutions to all your worries. It’s a win-win situation. Satisfaction guaranteed!

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4 thoughts on “Who, me worry?

  1. I would tell you that this post made me LOL, but I’m worried that you wouldn’t know that LOL is “computer speak” for “laugh out loud”. Oh gosh, I shouldn’t have said that…Now I’m worried that you will be offended that I thought you didn’t know what LOL means! Well, I can’t really worry about that right now, as I am so chocked full of worries about our house project, my tail bone pain returning, etc., that there simply isn’t room. What is that, you say? I might rival you for the Oscar of Worrying? Well, it’s clear that I have inherited your staggering talent — does that make us the Barrymores of Worry?

  2. From Muriel’s friend Brian:

    “Very cute blog. Unfortunately the topic is one near and dear to me. My Mother is a lifetime award winning worrier who could out- worry you in her sleep. Her picture is proudly displayed at the” worry 24/7″ website as their leader and founder. She is a gold medal winner at the worry olympics for over 80 years. She has received a medal for worrying while asleep and while unconscious. She has been repeated asked by the military and prison officials to instill guilt on prisoners all over the USA and other countries too. You are at best a princess-in-training when it comes worrying. I might even concede that you are a talented amateur. My Mother once told me that one day many years ago, she had nothing to worry about. She then realized that she obviously had overlooked something and felt much better. Happy birthday. LOVE, Brian”

    • Dearest Brian:
      Out-worry me, my eye. When your mother so-called won that gold medal at the Worry Olympics, it was only due to an underhanded American plot. All those suitcases filled with American money which turned up in Iraq during the Bush ‘Shock and Awe’ invasion were actually a payoff to the United Iraqi
      Worriers League (and they had plenty to worry about) to give their votes to an American. I only lost because I’m Canadian and we didn’t participate in that war. No one out-worries me.
      Love back at you,
      ‘Lady Muriel’

  3. Dear Muriel,
    Is is mainly women that are worry worts or are we the ones that talk about it more. Enjoyed your blog. This heat wave has me really worried about fish, fires and just plain running out of water. Is this going to be the new normal? Try to keep cool. Diane

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